We're both 16. We've been friends since kindergarten. She lives 25 minutes away so I value the time I see her. Her bf's 19. They've been dating for a few months or so. Please remember even tho she's my best friend, she's very immature. She loves drama.
I just met him this weekend when I stayed over for a couple nights. He's very controlling & jealous so we stayed at his house. He lives w/ his mom & younger siblings. He made her delete all boys from her phone, not allowed to talk or look at any, & a bunch of other crazy things. I met him b/c he wouldn't let her be w/ me unless he's there until he met me. When he does act all jealous & controlling, it barely seems like he's really jealous. It just seems like he's trying to start a fight.
His tantrums comes in random spurts. We'll all be talking then I can tell he's trying to start a fight cuz he'll be trying to twist her words around. Like if I say a guy's name, he'll say "Joe? What'd you suck Joe? You ho! Slut whore…" He'll then get up, start throwing things around, telling her to leave. He'll leave the room for a couple minutes. I'm telling her to leave & she's playing along saying "No! I didn't do anything wrong! I'm mad! I'm staying!". He'll come back, madder. He might start dragging her off the bed to the door. When he actually gets to the door he'll stop -.- He'll then just stand over her ranting about his life & how much of a whore she is & keep telling her to leave. She'll just lie there fighting back at him. He'll leave again.
I'm packing our things & got my shoes on & telling her to leave now. He came back with his face sooo red jumping up & down w/ his fists clenched. Ran to her & looked @ her, grabbed her neck, let go & smashed his head in to the wall then the table. Kept looking at her like he was about to kill her. Then leaves AGAIN. She's in shock so I just try to hand her shoes Lol. He comes back again yelling, grabs her neck, then picks her up (not by her neck) ready to throw her, so she starts crying. He stops & hugs her for a minute. He'll ask me to leave. They start talking while I'm in the hallway (it was 102 degrees!) for 15 minutes.
He'll apologize & be all nice to me, offering that I sleep on the bed w/ them instead of the couch, brings me a glass of water, ect.. This'll happen 2 or 3 times a day.
Today it happened at the mall, he made us get in the car, then out of the car, then he sped down the highway as fast as the car would go. He could barley hold on to the steering wheel cuz it was shaking.
I'm always telling her to leave when he tells us to, but she insists she did nothing wrong & stays. If we do try to leave he'll threaten to kill himself as soon as we do. She likes the drama. I'm so tired of him that I told her that I'm only going to see her when he's not around. Which may be never cuz he's too jealous to let her go to her own house by herself.
I've had an eating disorder for 4 years & it's gotten alot worse, I wanted to tell her today but there's too much going on. She's my only friend. Is there anything I can do to get her back?
I did tell my parents & her mom knows. My parents just say to let her choose between me & him. Her mom tells her pretty much the same. His mom's used to it.
Suggestion:
A.) You're a great friend just for being concerned about it, so props to you. But this friend seems to be ignoring your advice. Unless you can catch him actually hitting her (the grabbing around the neck) with some sort of proof (tape recorder, video, photo) or her telling someone you can't really get him for abuse. If you know he's abusive, tell her, to her face- if she continues to turn a blind eye to it, tell her mom. If her mom doesn't care then…she's a terrible mother. Do what you can for your friend, but don't get yourself in a dangerous position with her boyfriend…it sounds like he's crazy enough to actually attack people.
B.) A friendship is a two-way street. If you're giving all the time, and being there for her etc and she can't take the time to listen to you when you need her, then she's probably not going to change. Friends come and go…trust me, I know, but life goes on. Find friends who actually care about you and your advice/opinion. Don't try so hard to get her back, try to be yourself and make new friends. Bad friends are a drain on yourself.
Good luck
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